so that wasnt chicken after all
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
