the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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