We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
