i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
