Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
