Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
