i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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