I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
