you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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