oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
