i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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