I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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