____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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