If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
