If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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