Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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