I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
