Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
