Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
