who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
