My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
