If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
