just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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