Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
