So gin and wine won't be happening again
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
