Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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