do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
