all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize