where am i from again
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize