I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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