I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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