Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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