They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
