the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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