Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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