I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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