maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
