I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
