He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I believe in your delicious
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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