Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
