Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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