why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
