That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
