I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
