You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
