someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
