please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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