my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize
