do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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