WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Randomize
