this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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