Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
