Whoa Z and x make the same sound
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
