When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
