I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
