new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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