the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
