You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need moral support for this bender
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
