You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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