I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
