Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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