My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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