I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Randomize
