I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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