I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
