So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
