I could have mohawked her pubes.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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