whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
