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i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
