I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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