Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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